so many times my work has been about the seeing way. so it came like a curse, when i found my right eye full of trouble in end of july. the thought to lose my ability to see made me panic as best. what if i could never see again, what i´ve created throughout my life? the trouble came creeping, yet i ignored. at least the supposed suicide of chester bennington and all belonging themes threw me into the hell of existence - abuse, depression, addiction, despair - i was up to lose my faith in art and expression completely and my eye became really worse.


over the time i spent hours at several conventional medicine institutions. tests of blood, eye screenings, scintigraphy, mrt. they diagnosed a dysthyroid orbitopathy and told me to give up smoking instantly - something i already tried hard on over last time. the physical pain was only one part. i got completely depressed on the image, my look would change more and more! i got suicidal thoughts in a very new dimension and i felt really scared about that. when i was letting go all my emotions beside my mother i felt within the nameless horror this would bring into the life of my child and from this point on i was standing up again.


so here i am. writing, cooking, walking, dancing, breathing. forgetting about the orbitopathy as good as possible, just beeing present, beeing alive, beeing clean and becoming even more clean. knowing a great therapist by my side, while working patiently through my traumata ties. there´s no chance to give up anything as long as the heart beats, as long there is music, as long there are friends and family, and as long there is an inner child to free. getting back to the holistic way. getting back to healing art. and seeing through.


this audision mix in did in said july nights.